Grief has no time frame…
I am posting this picture with this topic for what seems to be irony. Yet, grief has many faces…this is one of them, the smiles and positive attitude that protects the emotions until they are safe to be expressed.
Last night was one of those times, I guess I was in a soft enough space for the grief to pour out of me…and what felt like a total meltdown.
This grief is coming up from a moment 7 years ago when my father passed away suddenly.
Immediately I went into shock, then suppression which was masked as strength…using the viewpoint ‘everything happens for a reason’ to keep myself functioning in the world.
Grief for me, (so far) is one of the deepest, root emotions I now know…underneath, the shame, fear, guilt, bliss, joy…hello grief, I’m ready to meet you now.
I hid and protected myself from grief in many ways…It hid in my strength, it hid in my drive to be successful, it hid with the help of drugs and alcohol, it hid with the help of sex….it even hid in my diet obsessions, even in my yoga practice…I silenced and eased the grief with spending money…and even in the many ‘self help’ books and workshops over the years.
Grief, I’m ready to meet you now…but still with fear and resistance.
I was even afraid to show my grief to my family …putting on a tough expression…and, until now, that protection served me…
So, it’s really uncomfortable right now, this isn’t a call for help it’s something that is ready to be expressed.
A shift…fck its uncomfortable, and strangely enough there is even a feeling of shame around sharing this or even feeling this…grief has no timeframe. I miss my father so much, and 7 years later the Concious, deep grieving begins.
Love ❤️ all of you